things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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