i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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