Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
