i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
