I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
