the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
