alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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