I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
