I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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