So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
