I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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