There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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