her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
