I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
