Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
