i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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