He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
