you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
