The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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