This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
