There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
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