i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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