We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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