why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
