Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
