Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
