How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
