I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
