one might say we're banned from that church
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
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