How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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