Define "chronic" masturbator.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
