Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
