high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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