I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
