I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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