yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
