cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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