that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize
