First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
