Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
