Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Even the bartender felt bad for me
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
