ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
