i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
