u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Randomize
