It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My apartment stinks of burning failure
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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