Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
