So drunk its hurt
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
