ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Less talking, more tequila
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
