If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
