Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
