The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
