just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
