We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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