Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
