Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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