why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
pray to the hookup gods
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize