i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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