Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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