he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We need a shit load of segways right now
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I came so hard my ears popped.
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