sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
