apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
