his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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