you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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