I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
