I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
