does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
