I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
