the new term for farting is butt boxing.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
