we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
