We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
